Fresh out of a secret lab, I give you…..

This post is inspired from a question somebody asked on twitter. I am not sure what were the exact wording of that question but it goes like: “Why have Pakistan named its missiles after the names of invaders. e.g. ‘Abdali’, ‘Ghouri’, ‘Babar’ etc…? Don’t they have their own heroes to name their WMDs after?”

Well, very intelligent question. A question that kept my mind spinning for quite some time and still i couldn’t think of anything that justifies this absurd naming convention used by our military top brass.Thus started the evil imagination factory in my head that produced the output which you are about to read. I apologize in advance if you are a fan of any of these “technologies” but this is a work of fiction and any co-incidence is just you and your stupid mind trying to correlate things :D

What if I was heading a team of awesome rocket scientists in some hidden lab somewhere in Pakistan? (Pakistan and awesome rocket scientists??? ha-ha, you got to be kidding me, right?) then what would i have created and what would i have named them?

1 – A2Z Missile:
Unfortunately, due to apparent threats of being put behind bars for being a disgrace to his royal highness, i cannot say what A2Z mean. but its the Alpha n Omega of Pakistan as i type these lines. This missile is the flagship product of our missile lot and is routinely sent to air to test its flying abilities. Based upon the heat-seeking missile technology, the great aspect of this missile is that it goes after $$$. you throw a few bucks into the air and this missile will automatically swoosh into action and will seek them till it “gets” the target. With a massive 100% strike rate, this weapon is good for destroying not the physical infrastructure but the economic infrastructure of your enemy. Another great feature of this missile is its ability to camouflage itself. We added this feature after mutual discussion with our team who have used Nokia Phones for years and think that changing colorful skins on Nokia Phones is the greatest feature ever! so A2Z missile can change its skin. you can put on a coat-pant skin, you can put on a shalwar-kameez skin, you can put also use additional add-ons like sindhi topi, pagri, sherwani, rayban, gucci etc.
Due to its awesome strike rate, the enemies have started calling it ‘Kutta Missile’. (our intelligence boys are still trying to obtain information on why enemies call it kutta missile, we will keep you posted as we have any updates).

All in all, this indeed is a great piece of weaponry. We have used it on our selves, and are more than willing to use it on any other hostile nation.

2 – OBL Missile:
Named after a true Pakistani hero – Peer Ghayab hazrat 0sawa b!n Laden. This missile is based upon the stealth technology. We have developed it, and developed it with such a perfection that…. even our whole team doesn’t know where we put it. It has gone as if it never existed. Only blurred memories of its conception and occasional news of its recent strike remind us that we created it. Even though, we don’t know where it is, we still proudly call it as one of our creation and an integral part of our missile arsenal.

3- Mushi Missile:
The slogan of this missile is “Sab se Pehlay Pakistan” (Pakistan first) . As the name suggests, as we fire this baby into the air, the missile attacks Pakistan first. The primary targets of this missiles are mullas and ninja chicks. This missile can be remote controlled from places as far as Washington.

4 – Mehsud Missile:
The Mehsud missiles is actually a suite of missiles. They come in two flavors – B and H. Flavor ‘B’ is now obsolete version and is no longer in use. However, since ‘B’ . has been to such a service for this country, we cannot ignore it in our discussion. ‘B’ was one of the mightiest one in its time. Though a short range missile, it caused massive destruction wherever it struck. However it required regular body polishing and fin-massage and this was the reason enemies were able to strike it during mission and hence it was discontinued.
Flavor ‘H’ of Mehsud missiles is currently in production. It has all the positive features of ‘B’ version (i.e. short range, devastative) minus the polishing and massage requirements. Another great feature of this baby is that the missile sends such clues to the hostile forces that they remain under the suspicion that they have struck the missile during its mission – while in reality, the missile is just playing a dirty joke with them. Soon it gets out of hiding and ….bang!

5 – Sultan-Rahi Missile:
Perhaps the only All-Pakistani homemade missile. This missile can survive an onslaught of anti-missile weaponry for a perpetual period of time. You can invoke this missile just by a yell and it will cross all boundaries of speed (even the speed of light constant is a smaller scale of measuring its speed). You cannot lure it with sights of pretty female missiles or dancing booties. The howling voice of this weapon is so horrible that huge armies of enemies have peed their pants just listening to the sound of its approach.

 

That was just a brief feature-list of missiles produced in our secret underground labs. We will keep you posted on any new weapon that we create in the future.

As for the answer to the original question is concerned (see first line of blog post), i think we named our missiles after foreign invaders because we want our missiles to do the same what the invaders did to this land i.e. spread havoc and destruction.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 4th, 2010 at 11:33 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

2 Responses to “Fresh out of a secret lab, I give you…..”

Talha Aziz August 6th, 2010 at 10:32 am

Awesome article bro.. try sending it to a Newspaper .. a great peace of social satire !

SabzBrofesor August 6th, 2010 at 10:36 am

wat u du eez blastfasemay againsht our gr8 sabz millat e Pakistan .. w8 til us green n white run wild on you !

infidel !!

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