and with that the clock turned to a new day. Another weekend coming up, another night for me to stay awake for a little more and a perfect night for me to spend quality time with my own self. As it grew quite and dark, my conscience took over and thus began a quiet moment of pondering over the source code of my own life- the code that has been patched and executed for almost three decades.

Result of this ‘code-review’ activity? — I dont need a patch anymore. My life need a major fucking upgrade.

But wait, Didn’t i recently change my job? Yes, but its not about the job. Its about life in general….ummm…

Today, I stand in the middle of a dusty road. The road which i have trodden since i dont know when. I feel the burden of age over my shoulders. The burden that i have to carry till i die. With a blurry past, and unforeseeable future, i am hanging onto life – though admitting my shortcomings but never wanting to change what is wrong with me.

Just then, something inside of me laughs at me and asks: "where did it go wrong?"

sigh, its all so wrong that it doesn’t feel wrong anymore. I have lowered this bar and made the wrongs of my life as the new right to get a temporary self-assurance that i am still on the right track. But this again shall come to pass and i will again forget these occasional poking of my conscience as my work and depressing news on TV will divert my attention towards more short-term goals.

Then suddenly, One day i’m gonna wake up to realize that i have turned 50. Life as i knew it has already been a thing of past and these pangs of guilt will be my mate for evermore.
If you keep on hanging onto the thread just because you are waiting for the "right time", then i am afraid you will keep on hanging as "right time" is a relative term.

So, in short. whatever our excuse is, be it economy, health, security, or laziness… this excuse better justify our lack of action or we will eventually end up in the same rat race that millions of people around us are engaged into (these people around us are probably the reason behind us being so indecisive).

I would like to conclude with the statement that our destiny lies nowhere, but in our own actions.

and when all else fails, the greatest way to change your destiny is to dream (if you are still lucky enough to have them)

Call this gibberish reflections or the truth of life, you are not likely to understand these. because this crap makes sense only when it is coming out of your own head. and the older you get, the harsher the truth (of life) is.

Damn, and i miss my cigarettes today

This entry was posted on Saturday, August 7th, 2010 at 1:09 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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